So, the NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series is ready to go! As you know, we're starting with the Great American Race, the Daytona 500! Now, about the track; Daytona International Speedway is a 2.5-mile tri-oval. The turns are banked at 31 degrees, the tri-oval is banked at 18 degrees, and the backstretch is banked at 2 degrees. Also, this is one of two tracks (the other one being Talladega) where the cars use "restrictor plates" to slow the cars down. This was implemented for both tracks after a bad crash at Talladega in 1987, in which Bobby Allison got airborne and completely ripped out a 100-foot section of the chain-link fence. Many fans were injured by debris, and one woman even lost an eye! Nothing like that should happen here, though.
Another unique feature of these two tracks is pack racing all the cars are tightly packed together, and drafting off each other plays a major factor in other words, this is quite literally anybody's race!
So, about the weather/track conditions; bright and sunny, also, it's hotter than it normally is this time of year in February. As a result, the track is slick, meaning that the cars have more difficulty finding grip on the track.
This has proven to be a bit troublesome; two cars, both of whom qualified in the top 20, wrecked in final practice, therefore they will have to start at the rear of the field because they are running on backup cars.
That being said, I will now present the starting order. The drivers marked with an asterisk (*) are the ones going to the rear of the field:
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Hoagie P. Gilligan
And that's that! Now, I will turn it over to the crew from NASCAR On FOX...
Mike Joy: Hello and welcome to Daytona Beach, Florida for the start of the new NASCAR Cartoon Cup series! And what better way to start off this new series with the Great American Race, the Daytona 500? 43 characters from all sorts of cartoons have come together to duke it out in America's biggest spectator sport, NASCAR! Hi, I'm Mike Joy, alongside Larry McReynolds and Darrell Waltrip. And fellas, is this history or what?
D.W: Well, I tell you what, I've been involved in this sport for 4 decades, and I thought I'd seen it all but never in the history of this sport would anyone have even thought of something like this happening! I mean, come on, we've got cartoon characters driving these cars!
McReynolds: And we've all seen how characters like this drive. Honestly, have you seen the way they've sped around and crashed over the years? I can only imagine how these characters will be and driving and racing each other here today.
Joy: And what a field of characters we have men, women, boys, girls, animals, objects, robots, even the supernatural! And the networks!
D.W: I know, they're coming from the Cartoon Network, Nickelodeon, Disney, Comedy Central, Adult Swim, MTV, our own FOX, and even the Hub!
Joy: It should shape up for one heck of a day indeed. Now let's go down trackside for the command...
Track Announcer: Race fans, it's time for those most famous words in motorsports! Here to give the command, legendary Looney Tunes cartoon, Porky Pig!
Porky: Ladies and gentletoons, st-st-st-sta-sta-start your engines!
The 43 cars buzz and roar to life. After resting on pit road for a short while, they follow the pace car onto the track to begin the pace laps...
Joy: As the cars roll onto the track, let's take a look at our starting grid: Timmy Turner in the #17 Best Buy Ford is our first pole-sitter of the season, outside of him is Abigail Lincoln in the #5 car. Behind them is Eric Cartman in 3rd place, and Eddy in 4th. Bender, the one robot in the field is starting 5th, and in 6th is Nigel Uno in the #1 car. In Row 4, the famous SpongeBob SquarePants, driving for Furniture Row Racing, starts 7th. Beavis sits outside of him in 8th. Rounding out the Top 10, Katara, the highest-starting female in the race, will start 9th, and Frylock will start 10th. And as we grow through the rest of the grid, let's see who we can get on the radio;
D.W: Hey, Rainbow Dash, it's D.W., you got a copy?
Rainbow Dash: 10-4.
D.W: Hey. I know the slickness of the track was an issue for all of you during practice, and both of your teammates are on backup cars as a result, and are starting at the rear of the field. How would you say you avoided the same fate?
Rainbow Dash: Well, it is true. The lack of grip has been an issue, even for me. I'm not even sure how I maintained control. But the fact that I'm carrying this team's flag now, I guess that just goes to show you how awesome I am!
D.W: Yeah, how confident are you about this race? Do you think you can win this?
Rainbow Dash: Possibly. It is anybody's race, after all. And this #20 car has been decent even with the slick track, so I think we'll do well.
D.W: Speaking of the track, how much cooler would you say that this track needs to be in order to get the grip you're looking for?
Rainbow Dash: Well heck, I've managed well anyways, but if I had to make an estimate...it needs to be about 20% cooler.
D.W: Alright, well, thanks a lot and good luck out there today.
Rainbow Dash: 10-4, have fun guys!
McReynolds: She has a point, you know. This track is really hot, and perhaps they would have better grip if the track was 20% cooler.
Joy: Well, we'll find out how they do as the race goes on.
The pace car's lights go out, signaling one lap to go before the drop of the green flag.
Joy: And as they get the one-to-go, let's check in with our pit reporters. Dick Berggren?
Berggren: Mike, Twilight Sparkle was one of those Joe Gibbs drivers who went to a backup car and is starting in the rear of the field. They did get a few laps on it during final practice, and it handled well, but not as well as the primary car. We'll see how that plays out throughout the race. Matt Yocum?
Yocum: Dick, Spongebob SquarePants has been reporting that his car is rather tight. They're especially concerned since the slick track could hamper them with oversteer and understeer. They plan on seeing how the car runs and making adjustments as necessary. Krista Voda?
Voda: Matt, Gumball Waterson was complaining about his car being very loose all throughout practice and qualifying. They haven't been able to get the car to grip any better. They're going to keep trying as the races goes. Steve Byrnes?
Byrnes: Krista, Eric Cartman doesn't seem to have been having those problems. The car has been very good throughout practice and qualifying, even with this slick racecourse. They're satisified overall with their car, and are confident that they'll manage well here today. Back to you, Mike.
Joy: Thanks, guys.
The field rounds turn 4. The pace car retreats into pit road. The cars continue to pace on forward, then, the green flag flies.
D.W: Boogity, boogity, boogity! Let's go racin', boys!
The Daytona 500 is officially underway! Timmy Turner leads the fields into turn 1, but Abigail Lincoln gets a better run on the outside, and takes the lead going onto the backstretch. Going around turns 3 and 4, she leads them to the start/finish line and Abigail Lincoln leads the first lap of NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series competition.
She holds the lead for about 10 laps, but then, Eric Cartman makes a slingshot move around her, and he takes the lead. He holds it for about 5 laps.
Then Timmy Turner roars back to retake the lead which he lost on lap 1. He maintains it for about 12 laps.
Peter Grffin, who had started back in 12th, then comes out of nowhere and takes the lead. He holds it for 6 laps, until Eddy takes it from him. He's still in the lead on lap 41 when...
Joy: Trouble! In turns 1 and 2!
McReynolds: Ferb Fletcher is around, in the wall, and airborne! His #9 DeWalt Ford is flipping violently, 10 feet in the air, and it finally comes to a stop in the turn 2 infield.
Joy: Caution flag is out.
D.W: Wow, I don't think we've seen a crash like that since Michael McDowell back in '08!
At lap 41, Ferb Fletcher, who had been running 29th, gets clipped in the rear by Aang's #26 1-800LoanMart Ford. Ferb's #9 car slides, then overcorrects and slams head-on into the outside retaining wall. Everyone else avoids him as he goes on his roof, then flips wildly going down the banking and into the turn 2 infield before finally coming to a rest. Here was the chatter between his teammate and his teammate's crew chief as this was happening.
Isabella: Caution flag's out...(gasp) Ferb's crashed!
Isabella: Oh my God, he's in the air and flipping around like hell!
Isabella: He's come to a stop.
Phineas: Oh my God, is he okay?
Isabella: I hope so!
Miraculously, Ferb Fletcher gets out of his car under his own power. He's taken by ambulance to the medical center for further evaluation. Meanwhile, the remains of his car are taken by wrecker into the garage area...their day is done.
Meanwhile, the other 42 cars decide to pit during this caution. They all take 4 tires and as much fuel as they can hold. Here's the top 10 in order in which they come out of the pits:
This, then, will be the top 10 when the race is restarted.
The race is restarted at lap 45 Eddy holds the lead. As the field goes down the backstretch...
Joy: We've got a car spewing smoke!
D.W: Homer Simpson's #83 car has blown its engine!
McReynolds: We're still under green. Simpson gets his car onto the apron and it coasts towards pit road; their day is over.
Homer Simpson's #83 Burger King Toyota blows an engine on the backstretch on Lap 45. He gets the car out of the way and the green is still out as he limps towards the garage area.
The race proceeds smoothly for the next 55 laps. Eddy is dominating the race as he holds the lead the whole time. Several cars go a lap down. Then, green flag pit stops ensue...
There are some problems. Several cars, including Kim Possible, Bender, Katara, and Hank Hill are caught speeding on pit road and have to serve drive-thru penalties. Additionally, Blooregard Q. Kazoo has to go back in a second time one of the left-front lug nuts is missing. After pit stops, here are the top 10:
Ed takes the lead from Eddy on lap 111. He's still in the lead on lap 127 when the caution comes out: Gumball Waterson's #87 AM FM Energy Toyota cuts a tire going onto the frontstretch; rubber flies everywhere. He manages to get into the pits and his crew replaces his tires. He goes out unharmed in 31st place; the last car on the lead lap.
Now, this is where NASCAR's Lucky Dog rule comes into play. When a caution comes out, the first car one lap down gets a free pass to get back on the lead lap. The Warden's #32 Federated Auto Parts Ford, running in 32nd, gets the free pass and is back on the lead lap.
Meanwhile, the other lead lap cars make their pit stops; 4 tires and fuel. Here's the top 10 going out of the pits;
Hoagie P. Gilligan
The race restarts at lap 131. Ed, Edd, n Eddy's Richard Childress Racing cars occupy the top 3 spots. The race proceeds cleanly yet again, with Ed, Edd, n Eddy switching around positions every now and then. This goes on until lap 159...
Waltrip: Trouble in Turn 3! There's a car in the wall!
Joy: It's Sokka. He's in the wall and he rolls down the banking and stops on the apron. Caution flag is out.
McReynolds: The back end of his car is very torn up. Wow!
Sokka's #38 Modspot Ford, which was running 2 laps down in 41st, loses control in turn 3 and spins around. It hits the wall hard in the rear end, and goes down on the apron and stops. Stunned by the impact, the car won't restart. A truck arrives and pushes it to the garage, where the team attempts repairs.
Foxxy Love's #88 Diet Mountain Dew Chevrolet, running a lap down in 29th, gets the free pass.
Alejandro, running back in 28th, was on the tail end of the lead lap when the yellow came out. As crews are cleaning up turn 3, he goes down the backstretch at full speed, trying to catch up to the rest of the field, when the rear suspension malfunctions. He loses control going into turn 3, running full speed into a jet dryer cleaning up the track. A big explosion occurs. Alejandro's #42 Target Chevrolet runs off into the infield, its engine on fire. He escapes, and the fire is extinguished.
Meanwhile, 200 gallons of jet fuel leak out onto the track, and it catches fire. That part of the track, from the wall to the apron, is engulfed in flames, and the race is red-flagged. It takes over 2 hours to put out the fire, clean up and repair the track. When the race is back under yellow, the cars go to pit road, take their tires and fuel, and go. Here will be the top 10 at the restart:
Hoagie P. Gilligan
The race is restarted at lap 161. There are 40 laps to go. The Eds dominate yet another clean run...that is, until lap 195, when Twilight Sparkle comes up to pass Edd and Ed to take 2nd place. Applejack, who was in 11th on the last restart, follow her to take 3rd. Ed and Edd are back to 4th and 5th, while Eddy holds onto the lead. Then, on lap 199...
D.W: Trouble on the backstretch...a car is in the air!
McReynolds: Kenny McCormick is airborne and flipping and he's gone over the inside barrier and...oh no, he's not gonna...
Joy: McCormick's #39 car has flipped and fallen into Lake Lloyd! And we can't see it...he is stuck underwater on the bottom of Lake Lloyd! Caution is out!
D.W.: This has to be the worst crash in the history of NASCAR! I can't even describe how horrendous this is! It'll be a huge miracle if he gets out of there alive!
Kenny McCormick's #39 U.S. Army Chevrolet, which was running 19th at the time, is clipped in the left-rear by Aang's #26 car. McCormick spins to the inside of the track, goes airborne, flies over the inside wall, and flips right into Lake Lloyd, where it sinks to the bottom. A crane is deployed, which extracts the car from the lake. A rescue team pulls McCormick from the car...his body is lifeless. When the crew chiefs from Stewart-Haas Racing learned about this, this was the only radio chatter between them;
Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!
Meanwhile, Sokka's #38 car has been patched up, and goes back on the track in 41st place, 40 laps down.
Blooregard Q. Kazoo's #13 GEICO Ford, running a lap down in 27th gets the free pass.
Additionally, this race was supposed to be 200 laps long, but due to the late caution, we will now go into a 2-lap overtime known as a green-white-checkered, to try and finish the race under green. There can be up to three attempts at this. If a caution comes out on the final lap, the race is over.
Oh, and because there's 2 laps to go, no one is pitting under this caution it only makes sense!
Now then, the race is set to restart in overtime, on lap 203. Here's the top 10;
At lap 203, the race restarts with a green-white-checkered; 2 laps to go. It's come down to the 3 Richard Childress Racing cars and the 3 Joe Gibbs cars. Rainbow Dash manages to pass Edd and Ed to get up to 4th place when the white flag flies and they're on the final lap. None of the top 6 cars seem to be able to make any passes. It looks like Eddy may have it made...up until he's in the final turn...
D.W: Whoa, Eddy gets real loose in turn 4! Twilight Sparkle takes the lead!
McReynolds: Eddy saves it, but he falls back to 4th, and no one has anything for that #11 car.
Joy: Checkered flag is out. Twilight Sparkle will win the Daytona 500!
After nearly losing it in the final turn, Eddy loses the lead to Twilight Sparkle and falls back to 4th. Twilight Sparkle wins the Daytona 500 with her teammates Applejack and Rainbow Dash finishing 2nd and 3rd. Eddy finishes 4th, and Ed and Edd finish 5th and 6th. Phineas Flynn takes 7th, Early Cuyler is 8th, Nigel Uno is 9th, and rounding out the top 10 is Danny Phantom.
As the other cars head back to their garages, Twilight Sparkle's #11 FedEx Toyota heads back to the start/finish line. She stops facing right into the wall. Then she floors the pedal and performs a celebratory burnout, sending smoke permeating up from the superspeedway. The crowd roars as Twilight climbs out from the car, takes her bow before the fans, takes the checkered flag and drives around the track clockwise on her victory lap.
A short while later she finds herself in Victory Lane, joined by her crew chief Rarity and the rest of the crew, as well as Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Twilight emerges from her car. Cheering, flying confetti, and spewing champagne ensue. As Twilight gets down from her car, pit reporter Dick Berggren proceeds to interview the race winner:
Berggren: Twilight Sparkle, congratulations on being the first Cartoon Cup Series winner, especially since you were starting in the rear with a backup car. I bet nobody thought you'd pull it off. What do you think of that?
Twilight: Wow, uh, well we did manage to make the car better throughout the race on pit stops. I guess that's further proof of the power of teamwork and friendship. And you're right; not even I thought it would happen!
Berggren: That of course, was until Eddy got loose and you went around him. Thinking about that would you say that this race was won out of luck?
Twilight: Perhaps, but who cares? I've won the freakin' DAYTONA 500! WHOOOOOOOO!
Berggren: And that's Twilight Sparkle, our ecstatic Daytona 500 winner. Matt?
Yocum: Eddy was about to win the Daytona 500 when his car almost spun out, handing the win to Twilight Sparkle. Eddy finished 4th. Eddy, do you think you could tell us what happened back there?
Eddy: I really don't know. The track was getting better as the day went, but somehow the rear end got loose, and I lost. Look, that's all I feel like saying, alright?
Yocum: Clearly very distraught over that loss. Steve?
Byrnes: Phineas Flynn finished 7th, but of course his brother was in that scary crash on lap 41. Phineas, what are your feelings on this race, and how is your brother?
Phineas: I'd say I feel alright. I mean sure we didn't win, but 7th out of 43 cars is pretty descent. I think our season is starting well. And as for Ferb, I met up with him after the race; he's perfectly fine. And we're both looking forward to the next race.
Byrnes: Very relieving news indeed. Back to you Mike.
Joy: And as the post-race festivities continue, let's take a look at the finishing order:
And here's how our beloved cartoon characters finished the Daytona 500:
Hoagie P. Gilligan
Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Gumball Waterson (1 lap down)
Francine Smith (1 lap down)
Master Shake (1 lap down)
Butt-Head (1 lap down)
Chowder (1 lap down)
Meatwad (1 lap down)
Dudley Puppy (1 lap down)
Flapjack (2 laps down)
Grim (2 laps down)
Stan Smith (2 laps down)
Ben Tennyson (2 laps down)
Kenny McCormick (DNF; accident)
Sokka (40 laps down)
Alejandro (DNF; accident)
Homer Simpson (DNF; engine)
Ferb Fletcher (DNF; accident)
Joy: Now let's look at our point standings:
Allow me to explain the points system; 1st place gets 43 points, 2nd gets 42, 3rd gets 41, and so on down to 43rd, which earns 1 point. Additionally, 3 bonus points are awarded for winning, 1 for leading a lap, and one for leading the most laps. So, here are the point standings;
Twilight Sparkle; 46 points
Applejack; 42 points/Eddy; 42 points
Rainbow Dash; 41 points
Ed; 40 points
Edd; 39 points
Phineas Flynn; 37 points
Early Cuyler; 36 points
Nigel Uno; 35 points
Danny Phantom; 34 points
Hoagie P. Gilligan; 33 points
Beavis; 32 points
William Murderface; 31 points
Bender; 30 points
Frylock; 29 points/Abigail Lincoln; 29 points
Peter Griffin; 28 points
Eric Cartman; 27 points
Timmy Turner; 26 points
Aang; 24 points
Foxxy Love; 23 points
The Warden; 22 points
Katara; 21 points
Spongebob SquarePants; 20 points
Hank Hill; 19 points
Kim Possible; 18 points
Blooregard Q. Kazoo; 17 points
Gumball Waterson; 16 points
Francine Smith; 15 points
Master Shake; 14 points
Butt-Head; 13 points
Meatwad; 11 points
Dudley Puppy; 10 points
Flapjack; 9 points
Grim; 8 points
Stam Smith; 7 points
Ben Tennyson; 6 points
Kenny McCormick; 5 points
Sokka; 4 points
Alejandro; 3 points
Homer Simpson; 2 points
Ferb Fletcher; 1 point
Joy: And the first NASCAR Cartoon Cup Series race is in the books! Next week the cartoon characters head to Phoenix for the Subway Fresh Fit 500. Until then, from Daytona Beach, FL, this is Mike Joy, Larry McReynolds, and Darrell Waltrip saying, "so long everybody" Or should I say "everypony?"
The announcers laugh as the broadcast ends.
Well, I hope you enjoyed that race. I know many of you practically had an orgasm at the end. Well, how do you think our characters will do next time? Who will win? And who will crash and burn? Tune in for the next race and find out!