WLCQ: Week 11 - Columbus vs Denver

Week 11 Game of the Week; Columbus Pixies vs Denver Dementors.

Team rosters;

Columbus Pixies

Chaser: Cosmo (#01)

Chaser: Wanda (#6)

Chaser: Vicky (#10)

Beater: AJ (#11)

Beater: Chester McBadbat (#15)

Keeper: Trixie Tang (#40)

Seeker: Timmy Turner [C] (#17)

Coach: Jorgen Von Strangle

Denver Dementors

Chaser: Stan Marsh (#97)

Chaser: Wendy Testaburger (#79)

Chaser: Bebe Stevens (#04)

Beater: Eric Cartman [C] (#14)

Beater: Butters Scotch (#2)

Keeper: Kenny McCormick (#39)

Seeker: Kyle Broflovski (#25)

Coach: Randy Marsh

FOX?

(FOX NFL theme)

Michaels: We're just about to hit the halfway mark in the Cartoon Quidditch regular season! Last week, it was a battle of capital cities which saw the Mexico City Chupacabras victorious over the Washington Ministry. And this week, we're back in the States for Week 11 of this 22-week regular season. We're glad you could join us, as the Columbus Pixies will be hosting the Denver Dementors! I'm Al Michaels; with me as always - John Madden, Harry Potter, Ron Weaseley and Hermione Granger.

Madden: Now this is one of those match-ups I just love to see; right here we have two of of the best teams in the league going at it! Both have 7-3 records, Columbus is leading the American North division and Denver is leading the American West division. Whatever happens, I just know this is gonna be insane!

Hermione: Tell me about it; those Pixies have a couple of actual fairies for Chasers; both of whom have really potent magical abilities - I really don't think I wanna watch anything they may have up their sleeves!

Harry: Hmm, well I guess on Denver can do about it is get the hell away from them when they're about to do something.

Ron: But seriously, Hermione; lighten up, why don't you?

...

Wanda: Hey Timmy, listen; don't make any wishes right now - wait till the game goes on. Better yet, just hold off unless we're getting beaten really bad-

Cosmo: Then you can make any insane wishes you want!

Timmy: Uh... okay. (shrug) LET'S GO PIXIES!

Once the Pixies and the Dementors are lined up into their positions, the Bludgers and the Golden Snitch are released to fly their separate ways. Once they're away, the Quaffle is transported to the center of the pitch by the referee, and promptly tossed upwards;

Michaels: Here we go; it's on in the Rockies!

Stan Marsh gets the jump on everyone else; and takes the Quaffle right as it hits mid-air. He gets about halfway to the Columbus goal when the Quaffle is suddenly snatched from him by Vicky.

Stan: HEY!

Vicky: Come and get me, ya twerp!

Eric Cartman hits a Bludger in Vicky's direction, but it misses. After Wendy Testaburger unsuccessfully tries to take the Quaffle back for Denver, Vicky takes her shot at their goal;

Michaels: SAVED by Kenny McCormick!

Kenny: Mmm-pfm!

Vicky: Damn you, ya pipsqueak!

Madden: That wasn't a great save; that was just a poor shot! I mean, she just shot right at him; it looked like she was trying to pass it to him, for cryin' out loud!

Kenny McCormick successfully keeps the Bludger from going through the hoop, and promptly passes it to Bebe Stevens.

Bebe passes it to Wendy Testaburger before Wanda can get to her. Butters Scotch hits away a Bludger as Wendy trucks on, with Cosmo on her tail, to the Columbus goal. She makes it to the scoring area and shoots;

Michaels: And she SCORES! Denver gets on the board, 10-0.

Cosmo: I knew we shouldn't have let that dumb rich girl on the team!

Trixie: HEY!

GAME BREAK

This Game Break takes us to the Tampa Bay area in Florida, where the Tampa Bay Trolls are hosting the Louisville Phantoms. The score is tied at 10. Edd has the Quaffle for the Tampa Bay Trolls. He's about to reach the Louisville scoring area when Tucker Foley comes up from behind and grabs the tail end of his broom to slow him down. Tucker is then penalized for Blagging.

Tucker: Oh, you gotta be kidding me!

Edd: You grabbed my broom; I felt it!

Edd scores on the resulting penalty shot, and the Trolls take the lead, 20-10.

BACK TO DENVER

After Wendy Testaburger's goal, Trixie Tang throws the Quaffle back into play, where it is caught by Cosmo. Stan Marsh tries to make a rush at him, but he's forced to back off as Chester McBadbat hits a Bludger in his direction. Then, Wendy Testaburger and Bebe Stevens both position themselves right in front of their team's goal's scoring area, attempting to prevent Cosmo from reaching it. Out of the blue, Cosmo draws his wand;

Cosmo: Flipendo!

...

Michaels: Wendy Testaburger and Bebe Stevens have just been blasted backwards!

Hermione: What's that fairy thinking, using a Knockback Jinx?

Madden: Well, it didn't seem to hurt them much.

Harry: And they're still on their brooms, so... yeah.

Cosmo uses a Knockbck Jinx on Wendy and Bebe, knocking them back to the end of the pitch, and allowing Cosmo to enter the scoring area to the Dementors' goal;

Michaels: SCORE! We have a tie game!

Kenny: (growling)

Wanda: Oh, come here, you! (kisses Cosmo)

Cosmo: (giggle)

Ron: Let's face it; there's no way that would've been possible without that Knockback Jinx.

Hermione: Oh, shut up, Ron!

Cosmo scores to tie the game at 10. Kenny McCormick, after the goal, throws the Quaffle to Wendy Testaburger.

Butters Scotch hits a Bludger at Vicky to make her back off from Wendy, who shortly thereafter, almost gets hits by another Bludger hit by AJ, making her pass the Quaffle to Stan Marsh. While that fiasco goes on;

Michaels: Kyle Broflovski appears to be after the Snitch!

Hermione: He damn well better catch it before those bloody fairies curse him or something!

Ron: Honestly, that was just a Jinx! What makes you think they would actually Curse someone?

All: ...

Kyle Broflovski is the first of the two Seekers to start out after the Golden Snitch. His small size allows him to gain ground on the Snitch is a relatively short period of time, but the Snitch's compact size combined with its feistiness make it a really tough catch...

Meanwhile;

Michaels: Vicky scores, and the Pixies takes the lead!

Vicky: Take that, ya twerps!

Cartman: Dammit, Kenny, BLOCK THEIR FUCKIN' SHOTS!

Kenny: (sigh)

Vicky scores and puts the Columbus Pixies in the lead, 20-10. Kenny then throws the Quaffle to Bebe Stevens.

Bebe then passes it to Stan Marsh. Butters Scotch beats away a Bludger as Stan heads towards the Columbus goal. Vicky tries to catch him, but fails. Then, Stan shoots;

Michaels: And we're tied once again!

Madden: So far, that Trixie Tang hasn't been too good of a Keeper.

Harry: Spoiled rich girls are like that, John.

Stan shoots and scores, tying the game at 20.

Then...

Michaels: Look out, Kyle; Timmy's after the Snitch, now!

Right as Kyle Broflovski is about to catch the Golden Snitch, Timmy Turner pulls up alongside him and throws him off. The two begin to run in to each other for a while, trying to take away each other's momentum. That's when Kyle lashes out at Timmy with his elbow;

Michaels: Penalty whistle!

Madden: That was a Cobbing! You saw what Kyle did there!

The penalty whistle sounds just as Kyle lashes out. The call;

Referee: Cobbing. Denver, #25. Penalty shot for Columbus!

Kyle: I barely even touched him, dude!

Kyle Broflovski gets called for Cobbing, and so Columbus will take a penalty shot. Wanda will shoot, and Kenny McCormick will attempt to defend;

Michaels: 30-20, Pixies!

Cosmo: That was awesome, Wanda!

Kenny: (facepalm)

Wanda scores on the penalty shot, and the Columbus Pixies retake the lead, 30-20.

Bebe Stevens comes up with the Quaffle afterwards. She has almost no resistance as she approaches the Pixies's goal. But then, Wanda jumps out in front of her with her wand drawn...

Wanda: Impedimenta!

...

Michaels: Bebe Stevens has just stopped in mid-air!

Madden: She looks like she's struggling, why can't she go forward?

Hermione: Because Wanda just hit her with an Impediment Jinx, you dimwit!

Ron: It may be vital in a duel, but not here.

Wanda uses an Impediment Jinx on Bebe Stevens, halting her forward progress and keeping her from the Pixies' goal. Vicky takes the Quaffle while Cosmo and Wanda fly ahead of her for support.

Cosmo and Wanda are able to keep Stan Marsh and Wendy Testaburger away; Eric Cartman and Butters Scotch hit Bludgers at them, but they miss. With Vicky trailing behind her, Cosmo and Wanda head towards the Dementors' goal. Right before they hit the scoring area, they both draw their wands and point them at Kenny;

Cosmo/Wanda: Avada Kedavra!

GAME BREAK

This Game Break takes place in Seattle, Washington, where the Seattle Vampires are hosting the Birmingham War Pigs. The score is tied at 60. Pickles and Meatwad are both chasing after the Golden Snitch; however, Pickles is extremely drunk, preventing him from maintaining adequate control of his broom. Eventually, he crashes into the crowd.

A short time later, Meatwad catches the Snitch, and the Seattle Vampires win it, 210-60.

BACK TO DENVER

Madden: HEAD SHOT!

Michaels: Kenny McCormick's just been blasted off his broom!

Hermione: Oh God, what spell did they use this time?

Harry: Uh...

Cosmo and Wanda cast a spell at Kenny McCormick; this spell blasts him off his broom and sends him falling to the ground below. When he hits the ground, he doesn't get up. In fact, all of his internal organs have simply stopped functioning.

Stan: Oh my God! They killed Kenny!

Kyle: You bastards!

Hermione: Those BASTARDS! Those fairies should have their asses handed life sentences to Azkaban right NOW!

Vicky takes advantage of the empty goal and scores easily, putting the Columbus Pixies up 40-20.

Then;

Timmy: I wish the Snitch would fly into my hand!

...

Madden: He has it!

Michaels: And the Pixies have won it!

Ron: It just flew right into his hands; how the bloody hell is that possible?

Hermione: Even I don't have an explanation for that.

Upon Timmy Turner's wish, Cosmo and Wanda use their fairy magic to grant it; the Snitch changes its course and flies right to Timmy; he easily catches it in his hands. Thus, the Columbus Pixies beat the Denver Dementors 190-20.

The Denver home crowd boos the Pixies incessantly over the outcome, particularly the fate of the Keeper. Meanwhile, as the Pixies are on the ground celebrating the win, a surprise guest comes running at them from the locker room;

Tootie: YAY, TIMMY!

Timmy: Oh crap!

...

Whole Team: (gasp)

Tootie, Vicky's little sister who's been chasing after Timmy for a long time, makes her move here. She'd been waiting in the locker room for just the right moment; right as the Columbus Pixies win the game and are on the ground celebrating, Tootie bursts out of the locker room and runs toward Timmy. Before he can stop her, she plants an incredibly passionate kiss in his lips. At first, Timmy feels like pushing her away, but within a couple of seconds, he gives in and enjoys it. Then, after they pull apart;

Timmy: Wow, that was actually very... enjoyable! I'm sorry I doubted you.

Tootie: (giggle) That's alright. At least we have each other now!

Timmy: (blush)

Around the WLCQ;

Atlanta Owls - 160; New England Griffins - 40

Birmingham War Pigs - 60; Seattle Vampires - 210

Dallas Hippogriffs - 50; Las Vegas Night Elves - 180

Houston Horcruxes - 20; New York Dragons - 180

Kansas City Inferi - 100; Richmond Werewolves - 200

Louisville Phantoms - 50; Tampa Bay Trolls - 170

Mexico City Chupacabras - 40; Los Angeles Undead - 220

Milwaukee Death Eaters - 230; Arizona Phoenixes - 70

Montreal Manticores - 180; Vancouver Grindylows - 20

Nashville Basilisks - 150; Indiana Slughorns - 10

New Orleans Dark Mark - 60; Miami Goblins - 150

Oklahoma Orcs - 50; Chicago Fire Crabs - 240

Osaka Oni - 230; Tokyo Tengu - 90

Paris Veela - 50; Toulouse Sphinxes - 160

Philadelphia Thestrals - 220; Charlotte Hallows - 10

Portland Parselmouths - 240; San Antonio Centaurs - 0

Rome Fairies - 240; London Chimeras - 90

San Francisco Seers - 220; Milan Witchhunters - 100

St. Louis Serpents - 0; Detroit Unicorns - 200

Toronto Salamanders - 190; Kyoto Kappa - 80

Washington Ministry - 230; Minnesota Wormtails - 40

League Standings;

American Conference

East Division

New England Griffins (8-3)

Miami Goblins (6-5)

Washington Ministry (6-5)

Richmond Werewolves (5-6)

North Division

Columbus Pixies (8-3)

Philadelphia Thestrals (7-4)

New York Dragons (5-6)

Indiana Slughorns (3-8)

South Division

Birmingham War Pigs (7-4)

Louisville Phantoms (5-6)

Houston Horcurxes (4-7)

Nashville Basilisks (4-7)

West Division

Denver Dementors (7-4)

Seattle Vampires (7-4)

San Antonio Centaurs (4-7)

Los Angeles Undead (4-7)

National Conference

East Division

Dallas Hippogriffs (6-5)

Oklahoma Orcs (6-5)

St. Louis Serpents (4-7)

Minnesota Wormtails (2-9)

North Division

Chicago Fire Crabs (7-4)

Kansas City Inferi (6-5)

Milwaukee Death Eaters (5-6)

Detroit Unicorns (2-9)

South Division

Tampa Bay Trolls (7-4)

Atlanta Owls (6-5)

Charlotte Hallows (6-5)

New Orleans Dark Mark (5-6)

West Division

Portland Parselmouths (8-3)

San Francisco Seers (6-5)

Arizona Phoenixes (5-6)

Las Vegas Night Elves (5-6)

International Conference

Euro Division

Toulouse Sphinxes (7-4)

London Chimeras (6-5)

Rome Fairies (5-6)

Paris Veela (3-8)

Milan Witchhunters (3-8)

Pacific Division

Tokyo Tengu (7-4)

Toronto Salamanders (7-4)

Kyoto Kappa (5-6)

Osaka Oni (5-6)

Mexico City Chupacabras (4-7)

Montreal Manticores (4-7)

Vancouver Grindylows (3-8)

Michaels: And this has been the halfway mark of the regular season; here's to an exciting 2nd half. This is Al Michaels, John Madden, Harry Potter, Ron Weaseley and Hermione Granger; so long, everyone!